Again? AGAIN.

Sooooo... it's been almost 2 years since I last wrote on this blog. I almost forgot that I had a blog. Nah. 
A lot of things happened since I last wrote. So I moved from Singapore, eventually, after struggled for almost half a year. I tried a lot of channels and ways to get a job, got depressed for a while, but finally I secure a job in an Event Management company in Jakarta. 
Yes, I organized events nowadays. Mainly automotive events. So if you;re going to a mall in Jakarta and see a big automotive event with more than 4 display units, find out if the event is organized by KAWAN Event. If it is, then ask around. I might be around.
But let's not talk about work. It's boring, yes? Let's focus on me being in Jakarta. Big city. Yeay (?). Meh. That's not really how it sounds like.
Jakarta, as you know, is the capital city of Indonesia. It is hot and humid here, with the bonus of traffic jam and pollution all around the city. According to Wikipedia (this is NOT an essay, so I justify myself to quote wiki), it is one of the most populous urban agglomeration in the world. It has grown more rapidly than KL, Bangkok, and Beijing. No wonder the chaos everywhere on the road at any given time. 
It was a bit shock when I moved back here from Singapore. For one because I still couldn't accept the fact that I wasn't getting a job in Singapore, so I had to leave my beloved Dodo. On the other side I think I started off with wrong people here, which added to my stress initially. No fret, I am not who I am if I can't adapt. I adapt well, and now after almost 2 years of my struggle here in Jakarta, I can handle most of the things well.
So yeah, for the third time in the history of this blog, I will start it all over again. I will mainly focus on Jakarta as the city itself, and my experience(s) in this bloody city, as well as my opinion on current events. Keep an eye, and do not hesitate to contact me through the platforms which you can find under "the writer" tab. 
I'll see you soon enough. Ciao.

03.04.1984 - 03.10.2012

The day was just started when I heard my phone rang on that Thursday morning. It was my boyfriend. Having a fight night before, I answered the call with unfriendly voice, until I heard him crying. In the morning. What on earth happened so that he cried early in the morning?

"Pritish is no more"

I had to ask him what does he mean.

"Pritish is dead. He is no more."

My heart fell. I couldn't breathe. I felt like thousands of knifes and swords were stabbed to my chest.

Pritish. Had. Passed. Away.

One of my loyal reader. My respected mentor. My best friend. My brother. He's gone.

He was a good guy; too good, actually. He was living a straight life. He was a role model for everyone. Or me, at least. He's smart. He held one of the highest GPA in his batch. His mind was always full of new ideas and creations. He talked about ideas, not people. He's tall, dark, handsome and wise. 

We were not that close when he was still doing his MBA course in my university. However through his last semester (or my third semester), we became close. Close enough that I started to tell him about my problems, about what bothers me. Close enough that I didn't feel uncomfortable anymore sitting just two of us. Close enough that we always had something to talk about when that happened. Close enough that I asked him to stay back and give me company when I was lazy and wanted to skip class. Close enough that I fell asleep on his shoulder on the way back from airport after dropping my soon-to-be boyfriend. When his course finished, along with my boyfriend who was no more than a good friend to me at that time, he stayed back in The Island for a little while, looking for a job. That was the time when we started become really really close and I started to consider him as one of my best friend. When he couldn't find a job in The Island and went back, I dropped him to the airport and cried. He was the last one to leave.

But the story didn't end there. Thanks to technology and internet, we kept in contact. Chat almost every day, Skype every now and then. I got excited when he came again to The Island to attend his graduation. We met up, took pictures. The last pictures I had with him.

When I finished my course and joined the job seekers force, he was always be the first person I turned to when I needed advice about my career. My boyfriend was the second. (Sorry, babe.) He gave me advice and always support me in each and every decision I made. He gave me and my brown boy pet names. He called me Hippo and my boy Dodo. See, he's a geek, but not a nerd.

So finally I gave up about The Island and came back to Home, where internet connection is scarce (at least in my house). The frequency of our contact reduced. But whenever I got internet connection, I would message him. Update him with my situation.

And finally I got a job. It's a 24/7 job. I got busy. Really busy. He kept sending me chat and message, just to ask if I'm alright, if I enjoy my job, which I rarely reply. The previous week he told me he got a Blackberry and asked for my pin. I said I don't use Blackberry anymore, but there's something called Kakao Talk which can be used for chatting and free call. He installed it right away. He said he would call me or I had to call him whenever I got time.

But now he's gone. He's no more. He wouldn't reply to my messages and chats anymore.

I haven't replied to his last messages. On FB he messaged me "Hi miss hippo. Are you there?". On gTalk he messaged me "Btw Carol called me yesterday". Both I didn't reply because I was too busy. Stupid. Fucking. Job.

A lorry hit him when he was on his way back home from office on Wednesday night. I saw him online on Wednesday evening, but I didn't ping him. Because, surprise surprise, I was busy with my work, with pile of reports I had to do. 

I know nothing can bring him back. Not a word, nor an action. I know there's no point to say "if". I know there wouldn't any reply if I send him messages. I know all of it. 
But that didn't stop me to think, to wish that he's still here. To wish that I can go back to Wednesday evening, when I had the chance to chat with him. To wish that he would reply my chat. To wish that as my career mentor, he would see me succeed. To wish that, as best friend of both of us, he would see me and Dodo make it.

It feels unreal. It feels floating. Four days and I still couldn't stop myself from opening the chat window and send him messages. And waiting for him to reply. Four days and I still couldn't stop my tears fall down when I think about him. Four days and I still think that he's still around, and I miss him already.

Pritish, thank you for everything you've done for me, and for Dodo. Thanks for being such a good friend. Thanks for putting up with my mood swing. Thanks for always being there for me and Dodo. Thousands thanks would never be enough for things that you have done. There are many things that I know you would want to do it, but you didn't get the chance to do it. But it's OK, buddy.Things you have done are more than enough for me, for us, for everyone.
I'm sorry for each and every mistakes I made to you. I'm sorry that I didn't reply to your messages. How I wish I should've replied that. How I wish I can talk to you for the last time.
I'll be good, Pri. I'll be the success businesswoman we always talk about. I'll take care of Dodo, like we always talk about. I'll be good, so when my time comes, they will let me meet you. So just wait for me.

Rest In Peace, brother. You will always be missed.

In memory of 

Pritish Prabhakaran

(3 April 1984 - 3 October 2012)

If Not Now, Then When

Future. Plans.

Two words which drive most of us these days. It's just like most of what we're doing today is for the good of tomorrow. I agree on that. 

We can't lost tomorrow because of today. For example, *cough*hangover*cough* pending what we can finish today for tomorrow, which will make tomorrow's work pile up. 

But we can't lost today because of tomorrow either. That's just not fair. Imagine you've worked upside down for your leave next week, and on the very day, your Glory Leave, you fall sick because you've been OT-d the whole previous week and not getting enough rest. Not fair, yes?

I read somewhere, that there are three crucial things in human's life. Time, Money, and Health.

When you were a teenage, you're eager to try everything humanly possible on earth. You had a lot of time on weekends and holidays. You're young, you're healthy. But you're lack of fund. Thus, you have the Time and Health, but you don't have Money.

When you grew up and started working after graduated from university, you still wanted to explore, and because you're working and earning, you've got a good capital to fund all the things you wanted to do. Moreover, you're still young. But office calls each and every moments possible, taking you away from your over priced bean bag or expensive recliner chair. Thus, you have Money and Health, but you obviously don't have Time.

Then comes the time when you're getting old. Retired. You still want to see the world, things you wanted to see but you haven't got the chance to see it. You've worked upside down most of your life, you have a good amount of deposit, what you've prepared for your retirement. You've got all the time in the world because nothing chase you anymore. But you're old. Your glucose level is high. You're having hypertension, what not. Thus, you have Time and Money, but not Health.

Moral of the story : you can't get everything. You have to choose. (Except if you are blessed by born in a wealthy family, where the tension (probably) not as high as on those ordinary people.) 

Or, you can just sneak your way. Enjoy what you want, when you can.

When Money is the problem, remember if you collect even 1 small grain of rice each day, and you do it everyday, you will have a shed full of rice eventually. Save bit by bit.

When Time is the problem, remember two words : time management. Finish what you can do today, try to do a bit of tomorrow if you can. Don't bring the outside tension to your bedroom, or worse, to your bed. You'll have more productive days, and eventually you can finish your tasks faster.

When Health is the problem, well, this is the only factor that no one can sneak of. But do one thing. One apple a day keeps the doctor away. Eat healthy, life healthy.

And voila! You've created your own happiness TODAY.

Bottom line, try to do whatever you want to do today, because tomorrow you might not have what you have today, when you've got all the things required. Because you don't know what will happen tomorrow.

Carpe diem, trusting as little as possible in the future.

Sleep Deprivation

One day when I was in middle school, I heard my mom said : "He's lucky at that age he could sleep easily and soundly." (This is about my mom's friend who apparently has a good sleep cycle at the age of 40s). I didn't understand at that time. And I still didn't understand for years after I heard it.

Until recently.

Sleep is an important thing for your body. It recovers and renew your cells yadda yadda yadda (tl;dr on the article). The amount of sleep we need change along with the changes of our age. Adults (I consider my body as an adult) need 7-9 hours of sleep everyday. Siestas are acceptable. Bottom line, normal human needs sleep.

I sleep 3-5 hours per day. That's including the sudden wake up in the middle of sleep because of the need for toilet. Yes, I went to bed early, like before 12. But no matter what I do, I always able to fall asleep only at 3 or 4, and people will wake me up at 7, 8 or 8.30 on weekends except Sundays, when I have to wake up at 6. I have tried warm milk, soft and/or classical songs, books, binaural beats, wine, exercise, everything I know except hypnotize. Some times it works, some times it makes me more difficult to fall asleep. Some other times I have a lot in my mind that I almost can hear my those gears working in my brain. Yes, it's metaphor. No, there's no gear in my brain. I have sleeping disorder (most probably, haven't checked with professional yet.), and I'M JUST 20ISH!!

Oh yes, I understand clearly what my mom meant with that sentence at that time. Proper sleep is luxurious for me now. I know people who fall asleep directly once their heads touch the pillows, and I envy them. And I dare say, be grateful if you can sleep easily and soundly, or you can't sleep because you have something to do (e.g. : homework, projects, etc.), not because you have a lot of things in your mind and/or your body has developed a weird sleep cycle. Trust me, it affects your daily activities and your mind. And for girls, yes, those Chinese and Koreans were right. Beauty sleep exists. The more proper your sleep cycle, the brighter and cleaner your skin.

In conclusion, sleep is important and I need some solutions to solve my sleeping problem. I don't want to look 30ish when I'm just 20ish. Ugh.

The Time, The Will, The Motivation

Dear God,

Please give me time.
Please give me time to see their faces when I make them proud.
Please give me time to see him happy, without that furrows on his forehead, between his eyes.
Please give me time to see her finished her round-the-world tour, like she always wants.
Please give me time to see them grow and become "a person"s.
Please give me time to see her walks straightly and strongly.
Please give me time to see her reached her dreams.
Please. Give me the time.
Please strengthen my will.
Please remind me and motivate me.

Amen.